a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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