Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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