i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
