Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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