Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
