I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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