they need to just BURY HIM!
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
