his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
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I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Come back. Shots need mouths.
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We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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