the condom got lost in my hair
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
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