One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
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