I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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