You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
