Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I got inside last night via doggy door
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
