I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize
