Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
