Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
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Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
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It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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