Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Randomize
