How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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