I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?