I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
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My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
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Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?