Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
