do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I AM VODKA MAN
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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