My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
