Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
