we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize