His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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