fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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