why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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