Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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