Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
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My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
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I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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