I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize