I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
