: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
