its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
