Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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