so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
