fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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