I wannas sexs uuuuu
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
