super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
