i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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