It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
