Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
