the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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