He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
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i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
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I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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