I just made out with a guy for $7.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
