The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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