At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
