I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Randomize
