Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
