I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
smell my finger.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
