I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
