Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
