these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
