who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
