I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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