woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
