He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
