Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
