I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
