you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
