It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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