If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I want to fling myself into the sun
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize