I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
