You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
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