You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
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Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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