I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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