I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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