I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize