just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
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do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
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after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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