I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
